By Orit Krug  |  July 22nd, 2021

Cheating on someone you love is often a sign of unresolved trauma.

I know this personally because I used to have uncontrollable urges to emotionally cheat on the people I love and it all went away once I finally released the trauma from my body.

So let’s jump in:

1. Your nervous system is adapted to equate love with drama & trauma.

Have you told your therapist or friends that you’re struggling with emotionally cheating on someone you love, and they said something like, “Oh, you’re just bored!” 

I imagine that was pretty infuriating. It’s MUCH more complex than that. 

First of all, the feedback that “You’re bored” is highly invalidating and irresponsible coming from a therapist because there is something much deeper happening at the level of your nervous system, due to old trauma.

When you experience trauma, you become wired to feel “safe” and comfortable in traumatic and dramatic relationships.

This makes safe and healthy relationships feel boring because the drama isn’t there. It actually feels empty, like something is missing.

You cannot simply resolve this by doing something more exciting with your partner. Your entire system that keeps you alive currently CRAVES chaos, because that’s the only way it knows how to survive.

Creating drama and risky situations through emotional cheating, despite being with your partner who you love, gives you that instant rush that also makes you feel calm and settled again. 

2. You’re addicted to other people’s approval and reassurance.

In the early stages of your relationship with your partner, their reassurance and approval of you was very satisfying. But it no longer gives you a rush because you’ve been together for so long. It’s like a drug that used to feel so good but now your body adapted to it, so it feels boring and uneventful.

Now, you feel the need to find a different drug or a stronger hit that will actually cause that rush of sensation and excitement in your body. This is also why you look outside of your relationship for something riskier and more taboo. The higher the risk, the higher “reward” (or dopamine hit to your body).

After experiencing trauma, even from 20+ years ago, our bodies often become disconnected and numb. If you don’t feel alive on the inside, you’re sure as heck not going to be able to feel that within your relationship.

So you’re constantly seeking that hit of fire or spark, when in reality you must be able to feel that in yourself first. That way, you can feel ALIVE enough to feel a sense of aliveness in your relationship.

That was actually one of my favorite pieces of feedback from a former client of my Let Love In program. She had actually started working with us to resolve her own issues with sexual intimacy, and she said, “I got so much more than that.” 

She added, “When the shift began to happen in my body (which I am still experiencing), it was like something was being born/made new from deep inside of me. My moment came amidst the tears & rawness of it all and I realized that I was ALIVE for the first time in my life. My husband has even said that he’s noticed a change.  He says I’m more connected – I’m there with him & that is huge!” 

After years of trauma, you have to access this aliveness within yourself to feel it anywhere else in your life. You will not find sustainable excitement or passion if it’s not within you. Even if cheating gives you a temporary rush of excitement, betraying the person you love will only create more hurt and trauma.

3. You need a backup plan.

Trauma has made you believe that all love ends in hurt, rejection, and abandonment. 

Even though you know in your mind that your partner is dedicated to you and won’t leave you, you still worry you’ll be left alone.

You’re cheating on someone you love because you need a backup just in case something goes wrong in your current relationship. This is a self-protective mechanism. Because with trauma, you now have the belief stored in your body that all love ends in hurt, rejection, abandonment.

The person you’re emotionally cheating with is your backup plan or safety net. This is similar to anyone who’s hoarding or saving up finances on the side just in case they need to leave. This plan would make sense for someone planning to leave an abusive relationship, but when your relationship is healthy and you’re still doing that – you know that old trauma is still controlling you.

Protecting yourself from being ALL IN in your relationship prevents you from experiencing the highest potential of love, connection, and intimacy with your partner.

No wonder you’re not satisfied. You’re not letting it in.

All of this sets you up for a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. When you look for a backup for when things go wrong, but you’re the one who’s creating the things that are going wrong. Then it’s like, “I guess I needed that backup after all!” Because you created the problem. 

A former client of Let Love In began to work with us because she emotionally cheated on her husband. 

She was always a “good girl.” She grew up with parents who never allowed her to express any “negative” emotions so she learned to hide her true feelings. 

Now, even though she’s with a loving, supportive husband today, she always felt like she had to put on her good girl mask with him.

Thus, she was never truly seen in her relationship. She operated under the belief that she had to look for a safer relationship elsewhere to finally be herself, even though she had it right in front of her. 

Once she rewired her nervous system and allowed her body to believe it’s safe to be her true self– that her husband is not her father or mother, and that she’s not a “helpless child” anymore– she finally repaired those childhood experiences and started expressing herself unapologetically. 

She began to take up more space while being more confident in her body. Her true self emerged in herself and in her relationship. This eliminated her false belief that she is only safe to express her needs and be seen in a relationship outside of her marriage.

4. You know why you do it, but you don’t know HOW to stop doing it.

You know exactly why your past trauma is making you stray, but cheating is like an addiction that takes over you, and you find yourself repeating the same pattern again.

It doesn’t matter how much intellectual understanding or cognitive awareness you have about your patterns of cheating. In order to truly change your behaviors, your body and nervous system must be on board so you can actually physically follow through with your mind’s intention to not cheat.

This takes much more work than telling yourself not to cheat because this old trauma repeatedly controls and hijacks your behaviors before you can even think about doing something different. You have to rewire your nervous system to feel safe and excited in a stable, non-dramatic relationship.

Until you feel that safety with your partner, you’ll continue to impulsively sabotage your relationship.

Stop the cycle of self-sabotage and rewire yourself to enjoy the healthy love you have now.

In my FREE Rewired For Love training, you’ll learn the 3 secrets to healing your trauma and ending your unhealthy relationship patterns that stem from the past. 

This free training will give you the clarity you need to create the most connected and fulfilling relationship with your partner without sabotaging your amazing connection or repeating the same stories from the past.

Sign up for my FREE training

By Orit Krug  |  July 8th, 2021

There are so many unhelpful tips about how to deal with emotional triggers in relationships.

To manage emotional triggers in relationships, many experts will say, “Breathe before you respond,” or “Practice a script of what you want to say in X situation.”

Unfortunately, these tips don’t actually work in the moment when your brain and body are triggered.

We cannot simply breathe our way through triggers. We cannot cover up intense nervous system reactions with rehearsed words.

When we are triggered, we lose the ability to make rational decisions and control our emotions, even when we intellectually know we’re overreacting.

In order to understand why, let’s first get clear on what exactly is a trigger.

The difference between a trauma trigger and a normal emotional response.

Let’s say your partner asks you 7 times in the same week, “Where’s that wooden cooking spoon?” 

A normal response would be something along the lines of, “Wow, this is getting irritating. I wish you would just remember where the spoon is so you don’t have to ask me so many times.”

A trauma trigger would look more like yelling and crying, “WHY can’t you just listen? WHY don’t you ever hear what I’m saying to you?” Followed by a total meltdown.

Now, it’s okay and even healthy to have normal frustrations with your partner (I can’t tell you how many times my husband tells me he can’t find something and then I find it in 2 seconds, ha!).

But with a trauma trigger, there’s an intensely different reaction happening in your brain, nervous system, and your body.

When you have old trauma stored in your body, your hippocampus is diminished and it cannot distinguish past trauma from the present reality.  So when your partner asks for you to find something for the 7th time in a week, it feels the SAME as when your parents neglected your emotional needs because they didn’t pay attention to you.

Want to see a map of how exactly the brain is affected by trauma? Sign up for my FREE Rewired For Love Training.

This triggers in you the old trauma of being unheard, unmet, and betrayed by the people who were supposed to love and see you more than anyone else.

Are you being triggered or are you having normal, healthy responses in your relationship?

Are you experiencing normal emotions that come with living or being with a partner for many years? Are you having a healthy amount of bickering or disagreements?

Or are you experiencing intense reactions that make you impulsively yell, shut down, or get in your car and leave in the middle of a conversation?

Are you able to follow common tips like, “Breathe before you respond” or “Communicate that you’re angry in a nice way?” Or does it all go out the window as soon as you have conflict or confrontation with your partner?

Many people will call themselves broken or damaged goods because they can’t follow these “simple” and “helpful” tips to stop being triggered, but the truth is that NO ONE with unresolved trauma can fake being calm. 

You must teach your nervous system to regulate itself and expand your window of tolerance so that you can respond the way you’d like, without pushing away your partner.

Even if breathing and scripted words have worked a few times before, they are not long-term, sustainable solutions to rewiring your nervous system.

Rewiring your nervous system will help you maintain calm in the face of triggers.

My client Allison used to become so triggered whenever she and her partner talked about money. She’d blow up so fast. She would yell and say, “You need to get a job or I’m DONE!” She would be quick to shut down and end the conversation. 

But this morning, she sent me a message and said that things have completely shifted for her. She said, “I can’t believe it! We actually had a conversation about money. I was able to be present and he even asked me for advice!”

Rewiring her nervous system allowed her to be able to CHOOSE her response. She said she still felt the impulse to give an ultimatum and shut down the discussion… but she didn’t.

And that is KEY! 

She had become so comfortable with feeling discomfort and difficult emotions in her body (through our sessions) that she was no longer hijacked by them. By being able to stay present in her body and our therapeutic relationship FIRST in session, she was easily able to do that in her real-life relationship.

That is the process of rewiring, in a nutshell, where your nervous system becomes so comfortable and skilled at staying present and connected even through confrontation. This is what brings relationships closer than ever instead of falling apart whenever there is a bump in the road.

Get on the right path to healing trauma from your body and nervous system.

Many people spend decades and thousands of dollars in traditional therapies trying to heal their trauma. Unfortunately, even the most popular therapies are scientifically shown to be limited in accessing trauma stored in the non-verbal brain and body.

Even alternative approaches, such as EMDR and Brain Mapping, are often not enough to fully heal from the physical body or the nervous system.

This makes trauma healing a very frustrating journey for so many people. They often blame themselves for being “un-healable” and decide that they’re broken.

This is NOT true!

Every human being is 100% neurophysiologically capable of healing from the past, because we all have wiring and neural pathways that can be rewired from fear and overprotection, to love and openness.

My unique, scientific-backed process via Dance Therapy has helped hundreds of clients finally heal from past trauma and transform their relationship (even after decades of trying in other therapies).

You can heal too, but you need the right methodology.

Sign up for my online course (ranges from free to $20 USD) to begin a unique, body-based learning experience that will teach you:

• Science-backed education about how trauma is stored in your body and nervous system. You’ll gain an understanding why it has NOT been your fault you haven’t healed yet from past trauma.
• Gentle, guided body-based movement that is necessary for integrated healing. This is crucial if you want your mind’s intentions to match your body’s behaviors in relationships.
• An embodied approach to healing that has helped hundreds of clients break unhealthy relationship patterns and let in healthy, lasting love.

Click here now to sign up!

By Orit Krug  |  June 22nd, 2021

Emotionally healthy relationships start with a good foundation of healthy communication, respect and intimacy.

We all know that, so why is it so hard to achieve it?

Well, a healthy foundation needs to start with you.

WAIT – “What about my partner? Don’t they need to be healthy too?”

Yes, but let’s put that aside for a moment and focus on you right now.

You need a strong foundation of confidence, playfulness, and openness within yourself to be able to have an emotionally healthy relationship.

But if you have unresolved trauma in the body, then you probably often feel insecure, heavy, serious, and guarded, which makes it nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship with anyone else.

Trauma can keep you from having lasting, emotionally healthy relationships.

First of all, I want to remind you that an unhealthy relationship with yourself is an issue, but it is NOT your fault if you have one due to past trauma.

Because you’re storing trauma in your body, your nervous system automatically does whatever it takes to prevent another heartache, abandonment, or betrayal from happening again… even if your original trauma happened 20 years ago.

This shows up in your relationship as being defensive at any tiny sign of conflict or being too controlling in order to prevent things from falling apart.

This is just your primal body doing what it’s designed to do: protect you from feeling pain and hurt so you can survive as a human being.

We cannot change our biology, so until the trauma is released from your body, this will continue to happen no matter how many times you tell yourself to behave differently or repeat affirmations that you are worthy of love.

First, identify what emotions need to be released from your past.

My client Farrah left her abusive husband several years ago and is now with a supportive loving partner, but even after years of talk therapy and energy healings, she still feels guarded and disconnected in her new marriage.

Once we started working together through the body, she realized she has not allowed herself to let in her new husband’s love because she still feels such intense guilt for leaving her last husband. 

Even though her last husband was abusive, she made a promise to stick with him through “thick and thin” and that’s where her guilt is stemming from. Intellectually, she knew she shouldn’t feel guilty for leaving an abusive partner, but her body holds a different story.

Through movement, we have been able to release her guilt that was actually covering up deeper trauma that felt too scary to release until now. 

Now, she is beginning to let in her husband’s love and accept that she is actually worthy of his love! She is no longer punishing herself and sabotaging her first real opportunity for a healthy lasting relationship. 

Once you release your trauma, you can have an emotionally healthy relationship that lasts.

You’ll know you have healed your trauma and capable of having an emotionally healthy relationship when you can:

1. Communicate harmoniously and feel compassion for your partner even through disagreements
2. Feel confident in your connection even when you spend time apart instead of fearing abandonment or imagining your partner cheating
3. Receive feedback without immediately feeling criticized or worried that your partner doesn’t love you
4. Feel in your entire body that you are worthy of love. As a result, you believe your partner’s compliments, stay present through sexual and emotional intimacy, and eliminate intrusive negative thoughts.

Once you do, you’ll feel so much lighter, freer, and more alive within yourself and your relationship. The relief that this brings to your entire body, mind and soul is incredible.

Learn how to heal your trauma for good and rewire your nervous system for healthy love.

No matter how many times you talk about the past or how many years you spend in different types of therapy, you cannot heal your trauma unless you are doing it through your nervous system and body.

Once you heal, you can build that amazing healthy foundation that is required to have even the most basic foundation that makes up a healthy, positive and lasting relationship. 

Even if you’ve been struggling in your current relationship, you can still turn things around by healing the trauma that makes you sabotage and push away your loving partner.

Get on the right path to healing trauma from your body and nervous system.

Many people spend decades and thousands of dollars in traditional therapies trying to heal their trauma. Unfortunately, even the most popular therapies are scientifically shown to be limited in accessing trauma stored in the non-verbal brain and body.

Even alternative approaches, such as EMDR and Brain Mapping, are often not enough to fully heal from the physical body or the nervous system.

This makes trauma healing a very frustrating journey for so many people. They often blame themselves for being “un-healable” and decide that they’re broken.

This is NOT true!

Every human being is 100% neurophysiologically capable of healing from the past, because we all have wiring and neural pathways that can be rewired from fear and overprotection, to love and openness.

My unique, scientific-backed process via Dance Therapy has helped hundreds of clients finally heal from past trauma and transform their relationship (even after decades of trying in other therapies).

You can heal too, but you need the right methodology.

Sign up for my online course (ranges from free to $20 USD) to begin a unique, body-based learning experience that will teach you:

• Science-backed education about how trauma is stored in your body and nervous system. You’ll gain an understanding why it has NOT been your fault you haven’t healed yet from past trauma.
• Gentle, guided body-based movement that is necessary for integrated healing. This is crucial if you want your mind’s intentions to match your body’s behaviors in relationships.
• An embodied approach to healing that has helped hundreds of clients break unhealthy relationship patterns and let in healthy, lasting love.

Click here now to sign up!

By Orit Krug  |  February 16th, 2020

You won’t be certain about this answer until you heal your past trauma.

Whether you experienced trauma in a past relationship or together in your current relationship (i.e., loss of a child), it will distort how you view your current relationship until the old trauma has been resolved.

Even if you talked about your trauma for years in therapy or couples counseling, you probably haven’t resolved it fully (most trauma gets stored non-verbally in the body – there’s no amount of words that can release it). 

Any old trauma stored in your body and nervous system makes you hardwired to overprotect yourself from getting hurt and create huge problems out of little things that could’ve been easily settled.

Trauma makes you wired to look for danger signs even when there are none.

This is NOT your fault.

Unresolved trauma keeps your nervous system in survival mode, which makes you hyper-vigilant to the “danger signs” in your relationship. These are automatic body responses that many people try to unsuccessfully talk themselves into changing.

This is how animals survive on instinct! Our primal bodies are no different and we CANNOT convince our nervous systems to stop keeping us alive.

While you suspect or believe that the relationship is the reason your marriage is falling apart, you might be relieved to know that it’s often trauma’s fault (once you heal it, your entire relationship can blossom like never before!).

So many people block their partner’s love or sabotage their relationship because of old unresolved trauma, and now their partners have pulled away.

This wall and distance between you makes it feel like your marriage is falling apart, but I encourage you to reconsider what might really be happening.

Blaming the relationship is one of the biggest mistakes that people make when they’re still holding onto old trauma.

Many couples go through a divorce that costs them so much emotional and financial heartbreak, only to realize later that it could’ve been prevented if they had healed their trauma first.

After healing her trauma, my client Lisa confessed that she wished she didn’t divorce her loving husband 20 years ago. Once her vision cleared from her trauma-tinted eyes, she realized that her marriage was actually great. 

But her unresolved trauma often triggered his insecurities and neither of them were strong enough to move out of conflict and repair the relationship.

If she had healed her trauma, her nervous system would’ve been strong enough to allow both of them to tolerate conflict much more harmoniously and they could’ve kept their family in one piece.

She didn’t blame herself – she just felt she could’ve prevented it all if she healed her trauma while she was still married.

The problems in your marriage tend to dissolve as you release your trauma.

My client Anna found me when she was considering leaving her husband because she felt her marriage was falling apart. She felt very disconnected from her relationship and didn’t know if he was capable of truly seeing her. 

She wasn’t able to truthfully speak up about her needs. She froze up every time she tried. He got frustrated because she stood there like a deer in the headlights every time he wanted to have a productive discussion with her.

Of course she felt unseen! She hid herself instead of expressing her needs whenever there was conflict.

She had held onto the trauma of witnessing her parents’ abusive relationship. When her mom spoke up to her dad, he became emotionally or physically abusive.

Anna had no real reason to believe this would happen in her own marriage (because it never did), but she couldn’t let go of her outdated fear, no matter how much she told herself it wasn’t real.

As we gently accessed and released her past trauma, we rewired her nervous system out of her habitual freeze response.

We then taught her physical body the skills she needed to be more assertive and stay in her power during conflict. She finally started speaking up without fear.  He finally started seeing her.

Now their marriage is SO much easier and they are closer than ever before. She no longer felt her marriage was falling apart. They were happy again.

Her partner didn’t get external support to change anything about himself, yet their entire relationship improved. He supported her through her transformation and was delighted to have more connected discussions. Even about the serious things.

If you KNEW that healing your trauma could transform your relationship and marriage, would you do it?

If you healed your trauma and your relationship STILL didn’t improve, you’d at least know you tried everything you possibly could to save your marriage. Plus, you’d have cleared your past trauma, which feels amazing and freeing.

You deserve to find peace in your body & let love in without fear.

The latest trauma research shows that cognitive-based therapies cannot fully access trauma stored in the non-verbal brain and body. Even alternative approaches, such as EMDR and Brain-Mapping, are often not enough to fully heal trauma from the physical body or nervous system.

This makes trauma healing a very frustrating journey for many people. They end up feeling stuck, even after spending decades of therapy and gaining so much self-awareness.

If you relate, you might’ve considered giving up on your healing. You might wonder if a fully integrated healing is not possible for you.

Every human being is 100% neurophysiologically capable of healing deeply & wholly, because we all have neural pathways that can be rewired from fear and overprotection to love, joy, and openness.

But even with an effective neuroscience-backed Somatic approach, going to weekly sessions could still require many more months or years until you feel that “click” in your body that finally makes you feel WHOLE.

That’s why I run Somatic Trauma Healing Retreats where many people experience accelerated, integrated, and lasting healing in just a few days.

(Disclaimer: each attendee must go through an application process that ensures this accelerated healing is possible for them).

If this sounds like something you might be interested in, I’d love to invite you to check out my retreats! There are several options from women’s healing, plant-assisted, 1:1, and more.

By Orit Krug  |  December 16th, 2019

I’m breaking the impulse to push away my partner’s love and loving embrace.

Here’s the back story: I was having a super busy day. I didn’t eat until 2pm and I had 20 minutes until my next session. My husband came down to the kitchen and put his arms around me as I was making my salad.

My initial instinct was, “Dude, get away from me! I’m busy. I don’t have time for this.” 

That’s when I noticed that my loving husband was embracing me, even when I looked super sweaty from the gym and hadn’t eaten all day. 

I told myself, “TAKE IT” and I enjoyed every moment of his loving embrace.

I almost pushed him away and basically said, “I don’t have time for love,” and I’m SO happy I caught myself before I did.

My past trauma almost won in that moment… AGAIN.

I almost pushed my husband away for good 5 years ago. We broke up but are happily married now after I’ve healed from my childhood trauma. So I had to ask myself honestly, “Why did I still have an instinct to push him away?”

When I was younger, my brothers were SO intrusive to my physical space at home. They would unlock the door to my room, barge in, and bully me. They would find me in my most vulnerable moments, even outside the house and taunt me. 

I would always yell, “GO AWAY!”

That’s the same exact response I had in my body when my husband was giving me genuine, authentic love.

It wasn’t about not having time. The emotional memory that it stirred up for me was very real. Time was just an easy excuse not to deal with the remaining trauma.

You have to release past trauma so you can truly, deeply LET IN love and enjoy your husband’s loving embrace.

If I acted on my impulse to reject him, I would have said NO to spontaneous acts of love (this all happened on a random Tuesday afternoon).

I would’ve given him the message that I don’t want him to hug me whenever he feels like it. When in reality, I freakin’ LOVE it when he hugs me for no reason.

A lot of women get upset because their partners don’t regularly show them enough love.

Many blame their partners for not expressing enough affection or giving enough attention.

But the same women rarely look at how THEY are contributing to this absence of love, and how they are pushing away their partner’s loving embrace unknowingly.

If your partner isn’t showing you uninhibited expressions of love, ask yourself ‘Why?’.

Is it because they really don’t know how or don’t want to?

Or have you subconsciously pushed away even the smallest acts of love?

If you have unresolved trauma from your past relationships, then the answer is likely yes, you’ve pushed it away without even realizing it. It can be so subtle, I didn’t pinpoint this in myself until recently!

When you change your old patterns, you get more love.

My partner’s random acts of love is what keeps me going every day.

Because I’ve rewired my nervous system to NOT react to my past trauma, I was able to identify the feeling and choose a different response. This is how we begin to change our old patterns and save our relationships from failing.

This is what makes it possible for us to INVITE the most satisfying love from our partners.

Get on the right path to healing trauma from your body and nervous system.

Many people spend decades and thousands of dollars in traditional therapies trying to heal their trauma. Unfortunately, even the most popular therapies are scientifically shown to be limited in accessing trauma stored in the non-verbal brain and body.

Even alternative approaches, such as EMDR and Brain Mapping, are often not enough to fully heal from the physical body or the nervous system.

This makes trauma healing a very frustrating journey for so many people. They often blame themselves for being “un-healable” and decide that they’re broken.

This is NOT true!

Every human being is 100% neurophysiologically capable of healing from the past, because we all have wiring and neural pathways that can be rewired from fear and overprotection, to love and openness.

My unique, scientific-backed process via Dance Therapy has helped hundreds of clients finally heal from past trauma and transform their relationship (even after decades of trying in other therapies).

You can heal too, but you need the right methodology.

Sign up for my online course (ranges from free to $20 USD) to begin a unique, body-based learning experience that will teach you:

• Science-backed education about how trauma is stored in your body and nervous system. You’ll gain an understanding why it has NOT been your fault you haven’t healed yet from past trauma.
• Gentle, guided body-based movement that is necessary for integrated healing. This is crucial if you want your mind’s intentions to match your body’s behaviors in relationships.
• An embodied approach to healing that has helped hundreds of clients break unhealthy relationship patterns and let in healthy, lasting love.

Click here now to sign up!