How to trust my husband after a previous relationship based on lies
By Orit Krug | June 18th, 2020
Have you googled “How to trust my husband” a million times but you’re still wondering how to actually DO it?
Are you having spiraling thoughts and anxiety that your husband is going to betray you? Maybe you worry that he’s going to leave you, cheat on you, or randomly decide that he’s no longer in love with you.
You might realize that this is all in your imagination because you know in reality that he’s 100% dedicated to you. Maybe you’re kicking yourself for not trusting someone who only treats you with the most loving intentions.
On the other hand, you might have a constant voice in your head that says, “I can’t trust him” and interrogate him whenever he’s texting or goes out with the guys. You tell yourself to shake it off but you still vomit out questions like a detective.
Ruminating over “How to trust my husband” is SO common when you’ve experienced a previous traumatic relationship based on hurt and lies. Even when you constantly tell yourself that he’s nothing like the ones in the past, your anxiety still doesn’t let up.
The first step is forgiving yourself for what happened in the past.
The trauma that happened to you is NOT your fault. Yet, you are probably still blaming yourself on a subconscious level. Before you object in your mind: hear me out.
Realistically, you know that as a child you weren’t physically able to prevent the domestic violence you witnessed in your parents. Or you’ve told yourself that you couldn’t possibly be the one to blame for your narcissistic father’s lack of love.
But when your body still holds onto old trauma, your mind doesn’t believe the stories you tell yourself, like “It wasn’t my fault” and all the reasons why. That’s because the part of your brain that makes decisions and rational arguments goes offline when you experience trauma. So when you access this part of your brain to forgive yourself, you’re not addressing the part of your brain where MOST of your trauma is stored.
Hence, your “irrational” beliefs always win as long as the trauma is still trapped within your body and nervous system.
It’s the same with a past romantic relationship that went wrong. You might wonder, “How could I have trusted this person to take care of me and love me when they ended up turning into a monster and betrayed me?”
Maybe you’ve repeated mantras or listened to inspirational talks on how to forgive yourself, but if you’re still not trusting your loving partner today, then you haven’t truly forgiven yourself and the ongoing punishment is that you don’t let in the healthy love that you finally get the chance to experience.
You won’t be able to trust your husband until you’ve regained trust in yourself first.
My former client Sarah spent years blocking people out because she couldn’t trust anyone after her abusive marriage. She blamed friends and potential partners for not being trustworthy and isolated herself from all types of relationships.
Once Sarah started accessing and releasing the trauma from her body, she realized that it was HERSELF that she couldn’t trust. She discovered this as we observed how she kept her movements tense and very close to her body, as if it was too dangerous to let go and reach out.
She felt so much resistance in her body to opening up again. Once we helped her trust her body, she was able to move freely beyond her trauma and let in her new partner’s love.
What if you stopped punishing yourself for the things you had no control over in the past? What would your relationship look like if you forgave yourself and trusted that you chose a healthy, loving partner to share your life with?
Can you imagine what it would feel like in your body to let your walls down and free yourself from the stories of the past? To finally let in your partner who’s been so eager to love you and care for you?
You absolutely can once you tune into your body and move the trauma OUT.
Tune into your body to discover how to finally let your guard down and trust your husband.
Our bodies can reveal to us all the answers that our minds cannot figure out. Our bodies can bring us clarity more quickly and deeply than talking ever could.
Our clients often feel awkward moving their bodies in the beginning of our work together. Even when we guide them safely and let them know that there’s no right or wrong way to do a specific exercise, they still question if they’re doing it correctly and have a hard time opening up. It’s only when they truly trust their bodies that they can start moving freely and therefore experience an amazing sense of trust, security, and spontaneity with their partners.
If you’ve tried to endlessly trick or convince your mind into believing that your husband is trustworthy but you can’t shake off the anxiety that something bad is going to happen, then you probably already know that it’s time to take this work into your body.
Get on the right path to healing trauma from your body and nervous system.
Many people spend decades and thousands of dollars in traditional therapies trying to heal their trauma. Unfortunately, even the most popular therapies are scientifically shown to be limited in accessing trauma stored in the non-verbal brain and body.
Even alternative approaches, such as EMDR and Brain Mapping, are often not enough to fully heal from the physical body or the nervous system.
This makes trauma healing a very frustrating journey for so many people. They often blame themselves for being “un-healable” and decide that they’re broken.
This is NOT true!
Every human being is 100% neurophysiologically capable of healing from the past, because we all have wiring and neural pathways that can be rewired from fear and overprotection, to love and openness.
My unique, scientific-backed process via Dance Therapy has helped hundreds of clients finally heal from past trauma and transform their relationship (even after decades of trying in other therapies).
You can heal too, but you need the right methodology.
Sign up for my online course (ranges from free to $20 USD) to begin a unique, body-based learning experience that will teach you:
- Science-backed education about how trauma is stored in your body and nervous system. You’ll gain an understanding why it has NOT been your fault you haven’t healed yet from past trauma.
- Gentle, guided body-based movement that is necessary for integrated healing. This is crucial if you want your mind’s intentions to match your body’s behaviors in relationships.
- An embodied approach to healing that has helped hundreds of clients break unhealthy relationship patterns and let in healthy, lasting love.
