Where your fear of rejection in relationships is coming from
By Orit Krug | September 24th, 2021
You’re finally with a healthy, loving partner, so why do you still have a fear of rejection in relationships?
Your fear of rejection in relationships might be confusing the heck out of you. Part of you that knows how amazing your partner treats you. But there’s a much LOUDER part that points out all the ways your partner could hurt you.
If this is happening for you, then this is a strong sign that you’re storing trauma in your body from past relationships.
Even though your mind knows that your partner is committed to you and loves you, your body feels all this anxiety and fear about getting heartbroken.
Your mind may even obsess over every single word your partner says, or the subtle way they squinted their eyes when they said it.
Hours later, deep into your circle of thoughts, you find your shoulders all the way up to your ears. This fear creates so much tension in your body.
This isn’t your fault. This is how old unresolved trauma impacts our ability to enjoy life and love.
Trauma fuels your fear of rejection in relationships, even when there’s no real threat.
This is NOT a reflection of your character and it does NOT mean you are damaged goods.
Old trauma stored in the body creates irrational fear in the nervous system and brain.
Even if your trauma happened over 20 years ago, the threat of the past repeating today feels SO intense. Almost as if it’s happening all over again (time itself does not heal trauma).
Read: How long does it take to heal from trauma?
You’ve gotten majorly hurt in past relationships. Thus, you hold the belief in your body that ALL relationships end in hurt. Even when there’s clear, practical evidence that you’re safe and supported with your current partner.
You may repeat affirmations that you are safe or worthy of love, but the part of your mind that says these words cannot access the part of your brain & body where your trauma is stored.
Talking about your fear of rejection in relationships will not heal the trauma that’s fueling it.
We cannot possibly heal trauma through talking, journaling, or affirmations. These exercises speak ONLY to the higher-functioning part of the brain, or your prefrontal cortex.
Yet, your trauma is stored in your NON-VERBAL primal brain, which does not understand verbal language.
It’s like speaking French to someone who only understands English.
You can hear all the words in the world, like “I am worthy of love!” or “I am safe with my partner!” But the part of your brain and body that’s storing trauma will not be able to comprehend it.
You have to speak your non-verbal brain & body’s language to begin to process and heal trauma. And the language of the body is MOVEMENT.
Break free from your fear of rejection by healing your trauma through movement.
My client Shay was so afraid of rejection (and intimacy) that her body would literally freeze up whenever she spoke to a new love interest.
Because the “freeze” response is an ancient nervous system response, we knew that her trauma was being triggered just by LOOKING at someone she was interested in potentially dating.
Through working together in my dance therapy-based program, Let Love In, she was able to rewire her nervous system to stop freezing at the slightest chance of intimacy.
We practiced this directly through our therapeutic relationship. One thing we did was literally move closer together and further away. When we moved closer, she felt her anxiety rise and an immediate urge to completely disconnect from me and her body.
Slowly and gradually, I helped her use specific movements that helped her stay regulated in her nervous system and stay connected to me even through the fear she felt in her body.
Eventually, she was able to be fully present and calm when we got closer to each other. This was an essential breakthrough in her trauma healing because this experience directly translated to her external relationships in her world. Instead of being intensely afraid of rejection, she was finally able to invite more intimacy and love in her life. This was the transformation she had wanted for so long, but her body wouldn’t allow it until doing this work together!
Get on the right path to healing trauma from your body and nervous system.
Many people spend decades and thousands of dollars in traditional therapies trying to heal their trauma. Unfortunately, even the most popular therapies are scientifically shown to be limited in accessing trauma stored in the non-verbal brain and body.
Even alternative approaches, such as EMDR and Brain Mapping, are often not enough to fully heal from the physical body or the nervous system.
This makes trauma healing a very frustrating journey for so many people. They often blame themselves for being “un-healable” and decide that they’re broken.
This is NOT true!
Every human being is 100% neurophysiologically capable of healing from the past, because we all have wiring and neural pathways that can be rewired from fear and overprotection, to love and openness.
My unique, scientific-backed process via Dance Therapy has helped hundreds of clients finally heal from past trauma and transform their relationship (even after decades of trying in other therapies).
You can heal too, but you need the right methodology.
Sign up for my online course (ranges from free to $20 USD) to begin a unique, body-based learning experience that will teach you:
- Science-backed education about how trauma is stored in your body and nervous system. You’ll gain an understanding why it has NOT been your fault you haven’t healed yet from past trauma.
- Gentle, guided body-based movement that is necessary for integrated healing. This is crucial if you want your mind’s intentions to match your body’s behaviors in relationships.
- An embodied approach to healing that has helped hundreds of clients break unhealthy relationship patterns and let in healthy, lasting love.
