From “I don’t have time” to enjoying every second of my husband’s loving embrace
By Orit Krug | December 16th, 2019
I’m breaking the impulse to push away my partner’s love and loving embrace.
Here’s the back story: I was having a super busy day. I didn’t eat until 2pm and I had 20 minutes until my next session. My husband came down to the kitchen and put his arms around me as I was making my salad.
My initial instinct was, “Dude, get away from me! I’m busy. I don’t have time for this.”
That’s when I noticed that my loving husband was embracing me, even when I looked super sweaty from the gym and hadn’t eaten all day.
I told myself, “TAKE IT” and I enjoyed every moment of his loving embrace.
I almost pushed him away and basically said, “I don’t have time for love,” and I’m SO happy I caught myself before I did.
My past trauma almost won in that moment… AGAIN.
I almost pushed my husband away for good 5 years ago. We broke up but are happily married now after I’ve healed from my childhood trauma. So I had to ask myself honestly, “Why did I still have an instinct to push him away?”
When I was younger, my brothers were SO intrusive to my physical space at home. They would unlock the door to my room, barge in, and bully me. They would find me in my most vulnerable moments, even outside the house and taunt me.
I would always yell, “GO AWAY!”
That’s the same exact response I had in my body when my husband was giving me genuine, authentic love.
It wasn’t about not having time. The emotional memory that it stirred up for me was very real. Time was just an easy excuse not to deal with the remaining trauma.
You have to release past trauma so you can truly, deeply LET IN love and enjoy your husband’s loving embrace.
If I acted on my impulse to reject him, I would have said NO to spontaneous acts of love (this all happened on a random Tuesday afternoon).
I would’ve given him the message that I don’t want him to hug me whenever he feels like it. When in reality, I freakin’ LOVE it when he hugs me for no reason.
A lot of women get upset because their partners don’t regularly show them enough love.
Many blame their partners for not expressing enough affection or giving enough attention.
But the same women rarely look at how THEY are contributing to this absence of love, and how they are pushing away their partner’s loving embrace unknowingly.
If your partner isn’t showing you uninhibited expressions of love, ask yourself ‘Why?’.
Is it because they really don’t know how or don’t want to?
Or have you subconsciously pushed away even the smallest acts of love?
If you have unresolved trauma from your past relationships, then the answer is likely yes, you’ve pushed it away without even realizing it. It can be so subtle, I didn’t pinpoint this in myself until recently!
When you change your old patterns, you get more love.
My partner’s random acts of love is what keeps me going every day.
Because I’ve rewired my nervous system to NOT react to my past trauma, I was able to identify the feeling and choose a different response. This is how we begin to change our old patterns and save our relationships from failing.
This is what makes it possible for us to INVITE the most satisfying love from our partners.
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