Learn to trust again – 1 simple step every woman can take to change their relationship with love
By Orit Krug | December 2nd, 2021
Have you been trying to learn to trust again after trauma but it feels like an uphill battle?
Many women feel like it’s nearly impossible to learn to trust again because they’ve spent years–even decades–talking about their trauma.
They’ve learned mindset strategies or tried to talk themselves into trusting. But the truth is, they really don’t FEEL it inside their bodies.
If you’re experiencing this too, it is NOT your fault.
When you experience trauma in any type of relationship, your sense of trust gets shattered.
If you endured trauma within your own family, your parents broke your trust because they were supposed to love and protect you from getting hurt.
If you got heartbroken in a romantic relationship, then you may not even trust yourself for being able to choose a healthy partner.
In fact, what’s really happening underneath all of the trust issues towards other people is that you don’t actually trust yourself.
How trauma makes you doubt every decision you make and lose trust in yourself.
Not only did I experience trauma for most of my life; I also have very overprotective and anxious parents who constantly questioned my decisions and asked every detail about my whereabouts.
Logically, I know that my parents didn’t trust the world around me, but what they indirectly communicated is that I’m not a trustworthy person.
My lack of self-trust became worse during my childhood trauma. I wondered why I deserved to be abused and hurt. And then they told me that what was happening to me wasn’t “abuse” and that I was just overreacting.
Was I overreacting? Was I just making up stories? I couldn’t even tell anymore. I couldn’t trust my own judgment.
Even when I got into romantic relationships with emotionally unavailable men, I couldn’t trust my ability to choose someone who could actually love me. And, also, could anyone ACTUALLY love me?
It was so confusing and I was really hard on myself. But I can say with 100% certainty today: I fully trust myself.
I rarely second-guess myself. When I do, it’s because I genuinely want to learn if there’s a way I can be and do better. It’s not self-deprecating like it used to be.
You must rebuild trust with yourself in order to trust other people.
You may feel some resistance to this. You hear yourself saying, “No, I trust myself. It’s everyone else I don’t trust.” But I know from personal & professional experience that not being able to trust others is a direct reflection of not being able to trust yourself.
This is what happened my former client, Sarah, discovered in her work with us through Let Love In.
When Sarah approached us, it had been 2 years since she broke free from her abusive marriage. She was proud of herself for leaving, but her life had been pretty miserable.
She shut everyone out and couldn’t trust anyone in her life. Not romantic partners, friends, or family.
Once we began the work to heal trauma from her body, she had a mind-blowing realization that she had no trust in herself.
When we interacted with each other through movement, in session, she constantly questioned her decisions and actions. She didn’t allow her body to lead her. She found herself stuck and relentlessly doubting herself in her mind.
This is what we discovered together just in the first session. It set the foundation for everything we worked on together, moving forward. Gaining the awareness in her body that she didn’t trust herself allowed her to work on herself much more deeply, instead of projecting her issues onto everyone else.
After 2 years of trying to heal, Sarah was finally able to let love in again because of the trust she developed within herself and her new partner.
The simple step you can take right now to learn to trust again after trauma.
The only person you need to trust is yourself, if you want to be able to trust anyone else.
You must trust that you’ll be able to speak up for your needs and set boundaries in your relationship.
You must trust that you’re able to choose a partner who’s not going to abandon you or hurt you.
You must trust that you’ll have enough resilience and self-compassion even if you do end up with a partner who hurts you.
You must trust that you’re friggin’ amazing and worthy of love so that you believe it when someone says they want to be with you forever.
All of this begins with trusting YOURSELF.
So now, I’m going to guide you through the 1 simple step to start building that trust in yourself.
And I’m going to show you this in movement, because no matter how many times you repeat, “I trust myself. I trust everyone else,” and talk about how you need to trust again… you will not be able to until your body truly feels it.
To begin, skip to 4:18 in the video here to follow my guidance through a safe, gentle movement exercise. In this video, I will help you learn to trust again. You’ll need somewhat of a private space but no previous movement experience is necessary.
Rewire your nervous system so you can enjoy a safe, healthy, long-term relationship.
Coming from past traumatic relationships, you may feel like safe and healthy relationships are not exciting enough. This doesn’t mean that you love abusive partners. It just means you’re physically used to it.
Your nervous system became adapted to the drama and chaos that those relationships brought. So now, relaxed and stable feels painfully boring.
You’re currently wired to thrive under the survival and danger of traumatic relationships. Thus, you need to rewire your nervous system to enjoy your healthy relationship without the rollercoaster.
Once you’re rewired, you can really feel your partner’s love in such a comforting, exciting and meaningful way which isn’t boring at all. It’s honestly one of the best feelings in the world (cheesy, I know).
When your nervous system is calm and regulated enough to connect deeply, then you finally have the ability to make your love stronger.
Sign up for my online course (ranges from free to $20 USD) to begin a unique, body-based learning experience that will teach you:
- Science-backed education about how trauma is stored in your body and nervous system. You’ll gain an understanding why it has NOT been your fault you haven’t healed yet from past trauma.
- Gentle, guided body-based movement that is necessary for integrated healing. This is crucial if you want your mind’s intentions to match your body’s behaviors in relationships.
- An embodied approach to healing that has helped hundreds of clients break unhealthy relationship patterns and let in healthy, lasting love.
