The real reason why you’re afraid to lose your partner
By Orit Krug | September 22nd, 2020
Your partner has never shown you any real reason to believe that they’ll leave you, so what’s the REAL reason why you’re afraid to lose your partner?
When I started dating my husband 7 years ago, I would often tell him, “Please don’t leave me.” To which he’d always respond, “I’m not going anywhere.”
I heard his words but I didn’t believe him for a very long time. My past trauma of abandonment and rejection screamed louder and said I was bound to be left again.
I did everything I could in my power to push him away and prove myself right – that I was not worthy of someone sticking around and loving me.
Early on in our relationship, I succeeded. I was controlling, jealous, and constantly tested him to the point of actually pushing him away.
If this is something you’re going through right now – I see you. I know it sucks, but it’s totally possible for you to eliminate your fear of abandonment even if you’ve been in therapy for years without feeling a lasting shift.
First, let’s talk about WHY this is happening so you understand how you can move forward.
You’re afraid to lose your partner because you have a fear of abandonment stored deep in your body.
Has your partner told you a million times that they are here to STAY? Have they repeatedly shown you how dedicated they are to your relationship, but no matter how much they try to convince you, you still can’t shake the feeling that they’re going to abandon you?
Your old trauma has led you to believe the story that love only ends in hurt and abandonment. That story doesn’t just exist in your mind, it’s now embedded deep in your body.
When you’re storing old trauma in your body, there are no amount of words that can convince you that you are worthy of a healthy, LASTING relationship. That’s because the part of your brain and body that’s storing trauma doesn’t understand verbal language (in fact, your verbal brain goes offline when you experience trauma and its triggers).
This creates a serious mindf*ck. Your mind knows that your partner is NOTHING like the ones who abandoned you in the past, but your body and nervous system still act as if your partner is going to pull a vanishing act.
Your nervous system is currently hardwired to protect yourself from getting abandoned again.
As human beings, we are hardwired to survive, so we habitually look for any signs of danger in our immediate environment that could threaten our lives.
When you’ve experienced trauma, your survival mode is on overdrive and working overtime. This makes you hypervigilant to danger signs in your relationship that remind you of the past, even though they aren’t an accurate representation of the current reality.
That’s why when your partner might disappoint you in the tiniest ways, it sets off HUGE red signals that convince you that you’ll lose them. They didn’t respond to your text message after an hour?
*Sirens go off*
Are they cheating? Are they going to leave me? Is this marriage over?
It sounds irrational, but it’s NOT your fault! You are not broken. You’re human and this is how you are hardwired.
In order to truly believe that your partner is here to stay and love you forever, you have to rewire your nervous system from this constant state of fear into a state of trust, worthiness, and love.
Rewire your nervous system to avoid pushing your partner away and finally let their love IN.
I created a self-fulfilling prophecy early on in my relationship that I was going to lose my partner. I acted on the belief that he would leave me and ironically, I pushed him away to the point where he did leave me.
My husband was very frustrated and hurt when I couldn’t let in his love 7 years ago. I was so afraid of his rejection that I didn’t even realize how much I hurt and rejected him.
When you have an amazing, supportive loving partner who you push away, it brings up the worst feeling of regret, and the loss that you were so afraid of experiencing in the first place.
Get on the right path to healing trauma from your body and nervous system.
Many people spend decades and thousands of dollars in traditional therapies trying to heal their trauma. Unfortunately, even the most popular therapies are scientifically shown to be limited in accessing trauma stored in the non-verbal brain and body.
Even alternative approaches, such as EMDR and Brain Mapping, are often not enough to fully heal from the physical body or the nervous system.
This makes trauma healing a very frustrating journey for so many people. They often blame themselves for being “un-healable” and decide that they’re broken.
This is NOT true!
Every human being is 100% neurophysiologically capable of healing from the past, because we all have wiring and neural pathways that can be rewired from fear and overprotection, to love and openness.
My unique, scientific-backed process via Dance Therapy has helped hundreds of clients finally heal from past trauma and transform their relationship (even after decades of trying in other therapies).
You can heal too, but you need the right methodology.
Sign up for my online course (ranges from free to $20 USD) to begin a unique, body-based learning experience that will teach you:
- Science-backed education about how trauma is stored in your body and nervous system. You’ll gain an understanding why it has NOT been your fault you haven’t healed yet from past trauma.
- Gentle, guided body-based movement that is necessary for integrated healing. This is crucial if you want your mind’s intentions to match your body’s behaviors in relationships.
- An embodied approach to healing that has helped hundreds of clients break unhealthy relationship patterns and let in healthy, lasting love.
